you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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