Welp...herpes.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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