I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
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he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
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Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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