I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
