True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
