I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
