i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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