im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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