How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
