you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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