i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
