Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.