As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it