who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.