Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?