so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
