i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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