Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
