Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
