Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Randomize
