I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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