So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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