I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
