I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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