margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
