and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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