My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize