he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
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