Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Randomize
