Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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