The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
