I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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