Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize