Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
