Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
