I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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