I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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