You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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