I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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