the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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