i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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