Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?