my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?