And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity