omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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