4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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