i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
