Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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