I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Randomize
