If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
