so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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