thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
