Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
