If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
