I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
