winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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