I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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