you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
