So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
