Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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