I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
