dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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