If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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